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Dr. Meyer

Hi Nicky -

You have some clues because you know the ages when your emotions went missing. Think back to what happened when you were age 6, and focus on what was going on during the next few years through age 10. It sounds like something might have happened to make love scary, to send it underground. Look at the series Tidying Up Emotions (in the navigation bar under Topics -- Emotional Detective - In Training) to get some tools to go back and explore what happened.

Good luck.


trying to find the clue, i'have been lost several feeling of emotion. when i was 6 i starting to feel no love and can't love someone or even object. when i was 10 happy feeling and sad suddenly gone. i'm not lying, this is what i feel


Another thing to consider is a lack of proper conditioning and/or modeling. Example, a child that is raised in a very dysfunctional, non loving, and abusive environment will have significant deficiencies in positive emotional behaviors.

I believe this is the root cause to my challenges when it comes to emotional liberty...

juliana sheff

The idea proposed is a very interesting one. It makes sense and is very real. I think a big factor that leads to one having "missing emotions" is they type of person they are. Some people are very emotional and even the littlest thing can set them off. Others, it takes something significant or monumental to set them off. In addition to people having different "thresholds" for emotional responses, another big factors that comes into play is peoples' significant connection to the situation they are emotionally reacting to. For example, some people can't handle facing certain truths or events in their life so they will typically shut down and have no emotional response or an indifferent response. It is important to pick up on these "missing emotions" as mentioned before, for one can learn a lot of themselves and maybe even solve problems in their lives if they just look within themselves.

Kathleen S.

I think people hide their emotions because of discomfort. They want to conceal these feelings because society links certain emotions to weakness.

I enjoyed reading your blog!

Alyssa E.

Thinking about emotions, I've realized that I'm pretty honest with myself when it comes to how I'm feeling. I don't try to suppress my feelings. When I'm sad, I'm sad. When I'm scared, I'm scared. Depending on the situation, I either want to be alone or surrounded by my close friends. In either situation, I will reflect on how I'm feeling and try to talk about it and make sense of it.

Katherine C

After reading your passage, it has taken me some time to figure out what emotions I am hiding. I may not "hide" my emotions of sorrow, anger or fear, but I am definitely not upfront with them. Usually when one of these three emotions comes over me, I keep to myself and stay very quiet. I guess thats my personal way of hiding and it may be better to just let them out.


It is interesting that you mention "missing emotions" because I have a friend who never seems to cry. She feels sad about many things but it never usually evolves into the despair that many people feel at some thing or another. Situations have come and go when the people that are all around her will all be in tears, but she will not shed one.

This brings me to wonder whether or not all people possess every emotions. Is it possible that she does not contain the ability to "be as sad" as everyone else does? Or is it, like you suggest, something that she suppresses within her?

Ali M

I stress out a lot and am often paralyzed by fear from the most insignificant of things. I know that this is something I have to work on and I am really going to try to bring out the emotions that have been missing from my life, like happiness and relaxation. Thanks for all your help!


By looking deeper within ourselves in search of missing emotions, we can become more self-aware. Sometimes I have a difficult time knowing what an appropriate emotion is in certain circumstances. Perhaps this is because I never thought to consider the one that most accurately describes my emotions, as is has been missing in the past. Thanks for bringing this to my attention!

Stephanie Gobran

Could it also be a part of human nature to suppress painful emotions? In some cases, the human mind might understand that those emotions could be dealt with at a later time. One's own subconscious could understand, that in a situation such as a death, or any other crisis, many things need to be taken care of besides ones own mental health. Thus, missing emotions are used as a sort of prioritizer for the mind to allow it to be clear and still able to execute the tasks ahead. Do know that your blog is well-written and provocative.

Erin Meinert

In this picture the character looks pensive. He face resembles the impermeability of rock; he is emotionless, cold, and introspective. He is not coldhearted, but rather too intellectually deep to be concerned with dim-witted thoughts which surround him. He is both resilient and strong.


I think that sometimes we hide from our emotions because we don’t want to deal with them. Is it really that they are repressed, hidden or disguised or that we choose to not deal or confront them? Emotions such as guilt, disgust, or others that make us look fragile or mean, are often not shown because we refuse to put ourselves in a position of weakness.


Its so interesting to think that maybe the basis of our problems has to do with emotions that we may never experience! Rather than just focusing on what emotions are at the surface, we have to try to find what emotions we do not experience and why this is important. I would never have thought to think more internally like that! thanks!

Marilyn Jacobs

There are conditions where people do not feel emotions or get so overwhelmed with emotions that they have a crisis. Similarly with pain, if you cannot feel pain it is life threatening. So it is evolutionarily needed to feel emotions (and pain). I was just out of town and I had strong emotions of wanting to come home. Now that I am home, I feel much happier. So my emotions were contextual!


I can't wait to find my missing emotions! :)
I will start using my internal magnifying glass to see what I find.
I am sure that I will find a couple of interesting things.

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  • Dr. Meyer has worked in private practice in West Los Angeles for over 25 years, and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at UCLA. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from UCLA and her B.A. from Oberlin College.

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