Emotions vs. Feelings

This is the first in a three part series on Feelings

Many people use the words “emotions” and “feelings” interchangeably. However, emotions and feelings are like two sides of the same coin - they are distinct, but highly related.

One side of the coin is emotion:  a hardwired and universal physical response to change.

The other side of the coin is feelings: mental associations and other reactions to an emotion that are personal. Feelings are acquired through experience.

Despite seeming the same, emotions actually proceed feelings. Like with coins, what you notice will depend upon where you are looking.

Because emotions are physical, they can be measured objectively by blood flow, brain activity, facial expressions and body stance. Because feelings are mental, they cannot be measured precisely. Emotions are more predictable and easily understood than feelings, which are often idiosyncratic and confusing. Feelings reflect your personal associations to emotions - the other side of the coin. 

This way of distinguishing between emotions and feelings is based on the work of Antonio D'Amasio, M.D, a prominent neuroscientist at USC. In D'Amasio's model, feelings are sparked by emotions, ignited by the thoughts and images that have become paired with a particular emotion. While emotions are usually fleeting, the feelings they provoke may persist or grow over a lifetime. Because emotions initiate feelings, and feelings in turn initiate emotions, your individual feelings can prompt a never-ending cycle of painful (and confusing) emotions.

 

I know this can be hard to grasp, so let's look at a personal example:

For most of my life, I rarely felt angry. I thought that was because I am easy going. More recently, I've learned that I do get a little angry, almost daily. I just don't notice. Instead, I might say something sarcastic or teasing, thinking it's funny, rather than mean. Or let out a sigh. Or do something passive-aggressive. Now, as I look more closely, I see that I am often angry. I just used to miss it. I've learned that,  for me,  the physical experience of anger toward someone I care about signals danger, prompting feelings of fear. I don't notice the anger, but may notice the anxiety. I find myself scared that my anger will hurt a relationship I value.

This all happens without my noticing a thing.

The same emotions may stir up different reactions and feelings in dissimilar people. For example, a bully might feel empowered by anger rather than threatened. The bully may have learned that feeling fear is dangerous - just the opposite of my life. A bully may overlook their fear,  instead feeling angry in response to physical signals of fear. A wimp may be someone who overlooks their anger, instead feeling fear in response to their anger. 

Whereas emotions are inborn and common to us all, the meanings they acquire and the feelings they prompt are very personal. Feelings are shaped by individual temperament and experience; they vary enormously by person and by situation. There are so many different ways to feel a particular emotion.

Learning to recognize and differentiate between your emotions and feelings is critical to becoming an Emotional Detective. It helps explain why feelings can be so different from one person to another. Even better, grasping this distinction helps make room in your mind for having a wide variety of feelings, and puts you on the trail to understanding them. 

How to distinguish between emotions and feelings in your own life?

 

Most people are more comfortable feeling certain emotions, and staying away from others.  For example, you may be more prone to fear than to anger. Or you may be more used to feeling sad than happy. Take a minute to think about what you are most prone to feeling, and what emotion you might be missing.

When you don't get your way or when someone hurts you, are you most likely to become sad, anxious, or angry? 

• Think back to a recent situation that was frustrating (someone cut the line, you couldn't make some technology work, you lost a parking space, etc.) Did you feel angry or sad in response to the frustration? Or did you feel something else like resignation, self-blame, shame, or even nothing?
• Think back to a recent situation that was disappointing (a friend let you down, you didn't get something you'd hoped for, you didn't live up to your own standards).  Did you get sad, mad or hurt? Or did you feel something else like hopelessness, guilt, or embarrassment?
• Look back on each of these situations and see if you can find clues that you experienced an emotion that you didn't feel at the time. 

By understanding the difference between emotions and feelings, you can get to the bottom of the real emotions that underlie your feelings. This will help you break out of the ongoing cycle of emotions and feelings that confuses and torments you, helping you straighten out your inner world to feel better.

Comments

[Dr. Meyer]

Hi Andrea -

I largely agree with that philosophy, but am not sure who uses that language to describe their concepts. I would suggest using the words differently based on the reading I have done.

Emotion research focuses on what happens in the body and is conducted on animals as well as people (even fruit flies have emotions!). Feelings are the experience of emotion and they therefore often reflect "the stories we tell our selves about what we are feeling" and they often involve associations that take "us out of the moment and into our past."

[Andrea Vuk]

My understanding of feelings is that feelings are what happens in the moment and emotions are the stories we tell our selves about what we are feeling, takes us out of the moment and into our past. Have you ever heard of this philosophy?

[запчасти faw]

Oi, eu sou Mateus Askaripour, conhecido mais como Matt, foi convenientemente colocado dentro de uma família de cinco rapazes, em Long Island, Nova York. Obrigado por seu blog agradável.
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