Next to Normal

The best things about this rock musical about a bipolar woman are its title and its message.  For those of us who strive to be "normal", the title makes way for many variations of normal, with ample room for much individuality.   In life (and statistics) we see that one common way to define normal is not as an absolute, but rather as relative.  This can be organized by a bell shaped curve.

There is plenty of room for being different in life and still being normal.  But what is normal?  Does it have to do with being similar to others, or does it have more to do with emotional management?

The implicit message in the play is that dealing with one's emotions straight up will make you "next to normal", which is surely good enough.   Advocating that we try to be next to normal rather than a pre-packaged normal makes great sense, allowing room for individuality. It emphasizes the importance of acknowledging your emotions, whatever they are, to being healthy and normal enough. 

The concept next to normal borrows from British pediatrician Donald Winnicott's notion of a "good enough mother".  This term meant to avoid idealizing any one image of motherhood, but rather to emphasize instead the critical importance of emotionally attuning to one's child.   There are so many ways to be unique and adequate, both as a person and as a parent.  Routinely ignoring one's emotions (and those of others) - while obliviously acting out one's impulses - is clearly not one of them.

This pulitzer prize winning show mockingly reveals the limits of modern psychiatry and our wish to fix everything with a pill ... or better yet with twenty.  It also explores how seemingly unbearable emotions that get buried inside us can ruin our minds and ultimately our lives.  

It seems an odd topic for a musical, but perhaps it reflects our culture's attempt to handle the disappointments that have followed in the wake of the psychopharmacolgical revolution.  Talk therapy seems no more effective than pills in this play, although it does actually seem to produce some awareness of what has gone wrong, and what needs to happen.

In reviewing this musical, Ben Brantley of the New York times wrote that:  "to discover the liberation in knowing where it hurts ... this production assesses the losses that occur when wounded people are anesthetized — and not just by the battery of pharmaceutical and medical treatments to which Diana is subjected, but by recreational drugs, alcohol and that good old American virtue, denial with a smile.... This show is less about connecting the dots than about life as a state of fragmentation."  Well said.  It is for us to connect the dots.

This musical reveals the dangers of not acknowledging one's emotions in an ongoing way, especially when they are intense.  It portrays the pain and dissolution that can result when emotions left lingering inside us are pushed underground. It shows how they can reemerge in ways that are destructive to ourselves, and to those we love.  Avoiding our personal emotional truths is way too costly, for everyone.  Life is filled with loss and fear, we must each find a way to manage these painful affects without burying them underground; so that we can grow.

Next to Normal is a powerful advertisement for how you can benefit from becoming an Emotional Detective. 

Comments

[Claudia Liliana/rasamalai]

I had no idea about those books or author but I feel very intrigued by them and I'm looking forward to find anything about her available online!

[pb]

i cried and cried at that movie. i think claire danes did an amazing job. it is so special that we all think in different ways. it would be such a relief if we could understand ourselves well enough to understand each other better. what a wonderful world it would be (not that the world isn't wonderful, but IMAGINE!)

i've investigated tour dates for Next to Normal... it is coming to a theater near me. yip!

[Elsita]

I admire Temple Grandin a lot. There is so much to learn from her. I read her book Emergence: Labeled Autistic. But I haven't read Animals in Translation. Thanks a lot for the recommendation. I will definitely get it. I saw the movie about her and it was great. The movie got a Golden Globe. Seeing Temple at the ceremony wearing her usual cowboy "uniform" was wonderful. She's unique :)

[Dr. Meyer]

The dilemma you speak of is one with which we all struggle: How much shall we try to pass for "normal"? In the case of your son, clearly it is to his advantage to learn basic social rules. This will help him navigate the world to the best of his ability and minimize his future distress. By teaching him social rules you are increasing his ability to function effectively in the world and helping him avoid unkind reactions to his differences. As you already know, both of these will help him be happier and like himself better.

I suspect you know the work of Temple Grandin, a brilliant autistic woman who has written several fascinating books about her condition. In her book Animals in Translation she shares her perceptions of what it is like to be autistic, and how she has grappled with the many difficulties her condition presents. I loved the book because it helped me understand parts of myself and others that had previously been unclear. I was particularly taken with the notion that we all think in different ways: some with language, some with pictures, and some with patterns. Her other books are geared specifically toward parents of children with Autism or Aspergers. Good luck with your son, Diego.

[Elsita]

I constantly think about this subject: What is normal?
I have an autistic son and a typically developed daughter
They're both very special in their own ways.

My son's therapies are oriented to teach him how to function in a "normal" world. He benefits from knowing the main social rules.
But on the other hand, there are different things that are so amazing about him being "not normal". Sometimes I feel inspired to see the world as he sees it, it's always a great experience.

I agree with you that in the end the most important thing is to acknowledge our emotions and to be in touch with them. When I think about Diego what I want the most for him is to be happy, even if he looks "not normal" to other people. I work a lot in making him aware of his own feelings. Because my intuition tells me that in the end of the day the most important thing for him will be to like himself and to enjoy life. And that is totally related to our emotional world.