Neuroscientists and philosophers agree that people grossly overestimate how much they can consciously choose. Much of the time we believe we are making a free choice when we are actually compelled by inner forces. Mostly we take action and then think about what we are doing - a split-second later - not vice versa.
We are often left with the false impression that our thoughts have spurred our impulses and we have made a conscious decision, when in fact our impulses have spurred our thoughts. So we reach for a glass of water and then think about being thirsty, but we think we have decided to take a sip of water. Our bodies are consistently responding automatically to triggers whether we think of them or not. This is equally true whether we are reaching for a glass of water or responding to an insult.
Not only children grapple with impulsivity. It is part of human nature. As we mature, we become better at handling our impulses, but only some of them. We cannot be aware of all we do because we can only pay attention to a small amount of our activity. Inevitably, we all might do something we regret. We might shoot someone a dirty look or raise our voice without wanting to reveal our anger. Or grab a cookie without giving ourselves permission first. Becoming aware of how we operate gives us a leg up on trying to deal with our nature.
I really enjoyed reading this article. I think it is important for everyone to know and realize what they are doing as they get through their day. Often I find myself doing my own thing and not realizing the actions that I may be taken. In high school, people had told me that I would always get distracted easily, doodling or walking through the halls without realizing who I was passing. People don't realize their actions and impulses, and it can be seen in every day life. I thought the example used about grabbing a cookie or having a sip of water was especially interesting because I often find myself chewing on something and then questioning myself as to "why" and whether or not I am actually hungry. Our unconscious mind can play a large toll in our every day lives.
Posted by: Jenna Figman | 03/29/2011 at 06:52 PM
I really need to take the advice of this website. I often ignore my emotions and just try to focus on the positive things in life, but this isn't always the right approach. I am used to living in a college bubble where I don't confront many realities. I also think that it is important to be humble when trying to be introspective.
Posted by: Evin Epstein | 03/29/2011 at 06:31 PM
Your advice is a very good one.
I kind of started doing it by intuition.
I decided to take next week for resting.
My Mom will be visiting from Florida so I will spend
time reconnecting with her and just taking it easy.
Thanks a lot!
Posted by: Elsita | 02/24/2011 at 02:43 PM
This seems so easy to relate to-- we all do things we regret a few minutes later. What a big idea that we often think we are making choices when we are really compelled by inner forces or subtle external pressures. We could talk about this idea for at least a year!
Posted by: elamap | 02/21/2011 at 05:10 PM
So sorry to hear about your friend. When feeling sad and scared it does often feel better to pamper yourself: the trick is to do it in ways that don't create new problems. Try indulging yourself in things other than food. Make time for whatever soothes you, whether talking with friends or taking a bath. Temporarily lessening your standards at work and home will help you find time. Stop reading the paper for a while or let your house get a little dirtier. You might even allow the kids to skip a bath on occasion or watch more TV. Asking for favors may be uncomfortable, but now is a good time to try. Ask your husband for a back rub, or another mom for an after school pick-up. You rightly intuit that you as you deal with this painful news and its aftermath you will be inclined to indulge yourself. Experiment with new ways to cater to yourself even if it requires some planning, social discomfort, or breaking some of your rules. Such efforts may help you avoid the quick fix of grabbing food and packing on the pounds.
Posted by: Dr. Meyer | 02/21/2011 at 09:36 AM
I really needed to read this today.
It's so hard when I know what is right to do but then do the opposite. In this case I am talking about eating by impulse. There is a lot of stress right now in my life because I recently found out that my best friend has been diagnosed with lung cancer. This makes me so upset. I need to deal with stress in a way that doesn't include eating the wrong things by impulse, because then I gain weight and feel bad.
As you said: "Becoming aware of how we operate gives us a leg up on trying to deal with our nature".
You're so right!
That's why I love your blog, because it teaches me more about myself :)
Posted by: Elsita | 02/21/2011 at 08:56 AM