What is a Private Eye?

This is the final post in a six-part series overviewing How to Become an Emotional Detective.

 

A private eye is an apt metaphor for becoming more introspective. 

 

 

 

To develop your private eye you must understand how your emotions work and turn your attention inward to start collecting clues.  It is important to understand your personal history and existing biases about emotions.  To identify your biases, it helps to recognize which emotions are difficult for you to experience, recognize, and express.

 

Your early memories hold clues that can clarify your emotional confusion. 

 

 

How to know if you are likely to misperceive certain emotions with your private eye?

 

 

Among the  five basic emotions (anger, sorrow, fear, disgust and joy):

• Which emotions do you have most frequently (Are you more prone to anger or sorrow, joy or fear?)
• Which emotions do you have rarely? (Do you never get mad, are you rarely scared?)
• Which emotions have made you most uncomfortable?  (Does it scare you to feel anger?)
• Which emotions make you feel ashamed or confused?  (Are you ashamed to be anxious or afraid?)

Think back on your earliest memories of experiencing those emotions that are difficult, uncomfortable, or shameful for you:

• How did it feel when other people displayed these emotions when you were a child?  
• How did it feel to you when you showed adults these emotions?
• How did others respond to you when you expressed these challenging emotions?

Answers are within your reach, but you must choose to look for them.

The other five posts in this series are: Becoming an Emotional Detective, The Right Attitude, Could David Brooks be an Emotional Detective?, Special Challenges for An Emotional Detective, Collecting Clues

Comments

[Dr. Meyer]

I see from these comments that different emotions disturb different people, which has been my experience. It is useful to think back to how these emotions were handled in your families. Usually, we learn about which emotions are "unacceptable" from our families. This is usually taught to us implicitly rather than explicitly, with looks rather than words.

[Rachel B]

the entire idea of the private eye is very interesting. i never really think about looking into myself to really think about how i am feeling. i have never sat down and really considered my emotions. i think out of the 5 basic emotions sorrow makes me most uncomfortable because it means there i am unhappy. not only do i find it most uncomfortable in myself, but as well when i see it in others, specifically if i have caused them to feel that way.

[Steph D]

Sorrow makes me feel the most uncomfortable out of the five basic emotions. This is because all people handle sorry very differently. It is difficult to help friends when they are sad because you never know if they want to just be alone, or the type that like to be cheered up with hugs. Emotions like this cause people to be emotionally confused, but using your private eye you can help determine how to clarify other people's emotions!

[Rachel K]

Fear makes me the most uncomfortable. This is not because of the fear itself, but it is what the fear can people to do. It is an uncontrollable, irrational emotion that often leads to unwanted actions. Additionally, fear creates a sense of weakness in humans. Many go to great lengths to hide it for it makes them vulnerable to the outside world and other people. Fear also consitute other emotions such as anxiety and depression that often accumulate until they take over.

[Hyman]

Thank you for introducing me to the idea of the private eye. This new introspective idea has shed light on my past and present emotional life. Emotions can sometimes be difficult to come to terms with, and also at times reflecting on these emotions can make a person unsettled and/or uncomfortable. I think that the private eye can help me understand why my emotions arise in different situations and therefore influence my behavior in the future. Thanks again!

[Emily R]

Me too! I think that I need to become more introspective. I am not very in touch with my emotions. These questions have really lead me to realize which emotions I am comfortable with.
Thanks!!!!!!!

[Elsita]

I love the idea of the private eye. The first picture is such a great visual way to represent that idea. I can close my 2 regular eyes and open the third one in my imagination. With that eye open I feel like an internal light has turned on so I can see better. I am going to think deeply about the ideas in this post. I love them!