This is the fifth in a six-part series giving a brief overview of How to Become an Emotional Detective.
While most detectives look for clues outside of themselves, Emotional Detectives look for clues within.
Focussing your attention inward will help you unravel the mysteries of your emotional life. The clues you will be following are your own emotional responses. It's like applying a magnifying glass to your own reactions so that you can see yourself better.
Find a smallish notebook (like a real detective) and start collecting information about your emotional reactions. It may be useful to keep this pad by your bed or on your desk.
1) Write down your dreams in as much detail as you can. Be sure to include how you felt in the dream and how you felt when you awoke. Make note of the date of the dream and significant events that directly preceded it. Remember that an event can be something that is occurring in the outside world, or it can be something that is going on in your mind or body.
2) Keep track of your intense or bizarre emotions. Make note of events that preceded your seemingly inappropriate emotions. This knowledge may help you discover your idiosyncratic emotional triggers, clues to the source of your emotional confusion.
3) It is especially critical to take note of emotions that may be missing. To do this, write down instances when it might seem natural to have strong emotions, yet when you seem to have have none (e.g. if you are not sad when suffering a loss or frightened when threatened with danger). Notice when you feel "out of it", or numb, or empty and jot down some notes about what was going on beforehand.
The other five posts in this series are: Becoming an Emotional Detective, The Right Attitude, Could David Brooks be an Emotional Detective?, Special Challenges for An Emotional Detective, What is a Private Eye?
Sometimes we discount the importance of tiny dream fragments and this contributes to not remembering our dreams. Other times we think our dreams are real as we wake up and therefore not something to be remembered.
Remembering your dreams takes effort for many of us. Put pad and pencil right by your bed. When you start to awake, look for your dream. Stay in bed a few moments with your eyes still closed and search for dream fragments. If you find ANYTHING, try to rehearse it in your mind before opening your eyes. Don't judge its significance! Replay the little fragment (or any bits of a dream) in your mind over and over before even opening your eyes. Once you have the images or storyline stored in your conscious (or semi-conscious mind), then write down everything you remember immediately - before it slips away.
I heard someone on the radio mention that they set their alarm for 1 1/2 hours before they need to rise, then they stay awake for a minute or two, and then they return to sleep with an increased chance of remembering their dream. I've never tried it, but perhaps this would work for you.
Posted by: Dr. Meyer | 04/03/2011 at 08:31 AM
But what id I rarely dream or remember dreams? Any hints to cultivate a better dream awareness?
Posted by: Kathryn | 04/03/2011 at 04:31 AM
I do keep a dream journal! Maybe I should write down my everyday thoughts and emotions to compare them to dreams and maybe connect some sort of meaning. I have always been really interested in my dreams, but I have never really understand the significance of them. Hopefully by keep track of my emotions I will be able to make sense of my random subconscious thoughts. Thanks!
Posted by: Jourdan F | 03/29/2011 at 07:18 PM
While I've always thought about keeping a dream journal, an emotions journal seems just as interesting and telling, particularly writing down absent emotions. I don't like interpreting dreams, because I don't feel qualified, but I do feel when I dream, so perhaps I should begin writing down and trying to understand those.. Another interesting thing to write down could be confused emotions within a dream (feeling joy at a death, frightened at a wedding or a lack of feelings as well). My dreams are often intense, so they must be just as important as daily emotions.
Posted by: Teresa | 03/29/2011 at 06:46 PM
Yay! It feels really nice :)
Posted by: Elsita | 03/24/2011 at 03:29 PM
Terrific! It is very exciting to begin to understand yourself.
Posted by: Dr. Meyer | 03/23/2011 at 08:19 PM
I am going to start working on the notes. I already got a little blank book for this. It's really interesting the fact that the lack of emotion could be also a clue of something important (3).
My grandfather died when I was about 9 years old. I did not want to go to the funeral and I did not cry or felt anything. I know the reason, but that has been such a hidden thing in my mind. It came out right now when I read this post. I think that I'm already becoming an emotional detective. I am looking forward to continuing the investigation :)
Posted by: Elsita | 03/21/2011 at 06:01 PM