Overcoming Fear

This is the final post in a three-part series on fear.

Facing your fear can be terrifying, even when you know there is no real danger.

One time I tried to do a ropes course with my children that required me to stand on a telephone pole thirty feet high while strapped to a safety harness.  While I knew rationally that I was safe, the terror that washed over me was profound.  I felt just the way the boy looks in the Norman Rockwell paining above.  I will never forget the powerful grip of my irrational fear made as I tried to stand on the narrow top of this very high pole, talking to myself all the while.

What can you do to try to overcome deeply ingrained irrational fears?

 

First, tackle your fears when you are otherwise pretty calm.  Stress increases the intensity of all fear; so you want to start off feeling relaxed before you begin to tackle a fear.  In this respect, it was fortunate that I was on vacation when I tried to stand on a narrow pole that terrified me.

Second, nurture a response to compete with your fear. This alternative response could be your resolve to overcome your fear, a powerful distraction, calm reassurance from someone you trust, or even your own curiosity or pride.

Third, start with small steps.  So if , for example,you are trying to reduce your fear of heights, start with a step ladder.  Stand on the first step as often as you need to until your fear lessens.   Then try standing on the next step.  If at any point you get overwhelmed, go back to a lower step.  I once helped someone with a fear of airplanes by first discussing planes until he became comfortable, then having him read about planes until he was comfortable, then we went to an airport several times until his panic lessened, and then eventually we took a short flight together.  I served as a soothing companion and voice of  reason who could help keep my client's anxiety from skyrocketing.

While trying to overcome your fears, calm yourself with:

1. soothing responses like deep breathing
2. reassurance from someone you trust
3. logical self talk that inspires an emotion other than fear
4. powerful distractions
5. whatever else you think might help

For example, if you are afraid of driving freeways, start off driving just from one exit to the next. Repeat your route until you feel somewhat comfortable, then drive two exits the next day.  Keep driving two exits until you feel more comfortable.  To initiate a response to compete with your fear, get someone to sit with you, put on music that is inspiring, soothing, or distracting, focus on deep breathing, or try some reassuring self talk.  

Comments

[Elsita :)]

...there you go again! I meant to say: MEANT in my last comment.

Talking about correcting my English. I used to be terrifying of writing in this language before, I felt so stupid! But I overcame that fear by just doing it over and over again. The more I do it the better at it I get. I still have a long way to go but I'm happy that I am not afraid anymore.
Have a great weekend!

[Elsita :)]

Sorry, in the last part of my comment I mean to say: I have DRIVEN to our house...

[Elsita :)]

Thank you!
I loved the video of the baby.
It's so amazing how he kept reaching for the toy even though he was scared of it.
That's how I felt when I went on the freeway for the first time.
I was extremely afraid but i couldn't wait to experience it, I really
wanted to know how it felt doing something that I have been afraid of for so long.
I'm still working on it, but I have drove to our house in the mountains several times now (2-hour drive) and each time I feel better and less afraid. It's a work on progress :)