Emotional Detective

Superorganisms

Most of us want to stay "plugged in" --  regularly checking our email or cell phones even when there is no need.   Have you ever wondered what it is,  broadly speaking, that we want to plug in to? Mostly we plug into communities of people, whether family, coworkers or other groups.   Thanks to cell phones, rapid transportation and the internet, the whole world is becoming increasingly interconnected.   In some fundamental way, most of us can be seen as cogs in the wheels of humanity, doing our small part in concert with many others.    Advanced techonolgies enable us to coordinate with each other instantly, regardless of where we  are or what we are doing.

 

Bert Hölldobler and Edward O. Wilson have written a fascinating book called "Superorganisms: The Beauty, Elegance, and Strangeness of Insect Colonies".  Ants, bees, and termites each perform specialized tasks to contribute to the survival of their colony.  The specificity of their functions and their extreme interdependence prompts some experts to think of insects not as individuals residing in community, but rather as distinct parts of a superorganism.  Each insect is not self-sufficent, but rather each functions more like an organ or body part, all of which work together to create a whole functioning organism. 

 

Individual ants, for example, are exclusively soldiers, morticians, garbage collectors, or scouts.   If an ant colony is a superorganism, the queen ant is its ovary laying up to twenty eggs a minute for years on end.  In the picture above, ants are working together to create a natural bridge.  (To learn more, check out the  NY Times book review about Superorganisms)

Decision making within a superorganism requires regular communication and an understanding of how the entire group works.  Each participating creature must engage in an amazing level of coordination for a colony to function at its best.  

The same thinking canbe applied to humans, increasingly.   Most of us coordinate with family members, co-workers, neighbors, and fellow citizens (for example, by participating in elections, following laws).  We coordinate with others to purchase items we need (stores, online, markets), to travel (whether following traffic rules or train or bus schedules) or to receive an education.

 

So when I find myself checking my messages or email compulsively, I try to stop. I have no personal need to be plugged in all the time, yet sometimes I feel as though I do. My compulsion to be connected - whether in person, on the phone, or online -  may be fueled by an evolutionary force contrary to my personal goals.

If humans are in fact becomoing part of a superorganism, I suspect that we become initially attached through our family of origin. And then as we grow older we became connected through social organizations like school, religion, community, culture, and work. People's facial expressions and body language communicate their needs. And our so-called mirror neurons allow us to understand what other people feel and need, to help us to fit in to a group. Emotional exchanges transmit instructions about what is expected of us, often better than words. These hidden forces - attachments, emotions, and mirror neurons - exert enormous power over our behavior, whether we recognize it or not. 

 

How might your behavior be governed by group forces in ways you don't recognize?

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Early Attachments

We are each born helpless, with only a frail immature body, a mother, and a bit of earth as home.  If we survive, someone must take care of us. 

The nature of that care creates future expectations - relational brain maps -  that have a shocking impact on the rest of our lives.   These early experiences create assumptions that shape the emotional tone of our future relationships, both romantic and otherwise.

Babies carefully attend to facial expressions and tone of voice - key communicators of emotion - because they are hard-wired to become attached to parents and caregivers.  Babies each have their own temperament and preferences.   Emotional responsiveness from those on whom they depend, including the mirroring of facial expressions, is very good for them.

 

A child's urge to be emotionally connected to his or her caregiver is usually ferocious.   This is why even  abused children want to be with their parents.  This is also why babies in orphanages do quite poorly, even when physically well cared for.  Babies can literally die from being emotionally neglected.

Emotional exchanges between babies and their caregivers let babies know whether they are resented, accepted, welcomed, or cherished.   These early visceral exchanges are usually repeated over many years; they create expectations about how new people will feel about us.    Sometimes these expectations are deeply unsettling.

 

Research on attachment shows that parental responses to our early needs commonly evoke one of four relational patterns: secure, cool (anxious and avoidant), clingy (anxious and ambivalent),and disorganized attachments.  These emotional patterns often last our whole lives, unless we break the pattern.  

 

To get some ideas about your patterns, take an online test or read more about Becoming Attached .

 

Sadly, if we felt anxious with our parents, we are likely to feel insecure forever - unless we figure out what has happened to us.    Even when we don't notice our disappointment or fears, studies show our bodies still register distress.   Relationships with early caregivers create brain maps - internal working models - which reliably guide our perceptions, emotions, thoughts and expectations in our relationships.

 

Our early experiences easily become self-fulfilling prophesies in new relationships – without any awareness of our role in the matter.  Truly understanding what we have experienced in our family offers us the best chance of behaving and feeling differently.  

So think about the people who cared for you when you were young.   Consider their emotional availability and responsiveness to you.   Reflect on your early relationships with a special emphasis on the quality and nature of your emotional connections. 

WIth a new perspective that values the emotional unconscious, reconsider your early relationships in terms of your current attachment style.  As you remember what it was like to be attached to the people in your family, some new, startling emotions or ideas may come to you.  Be aware of your past feelings and pay attention to your discoveries.

Mirror Neurons

Have you ever wondered how watching a movie can get you so emotionally immersed in the lives of imaginary characters?   Or why watching someone else yawn makes you yawn?   (To experience this firsthand, look at images of yawning).

In 1992, researchers in Italy discovered networks in the brain – so-called mirror neurons - that facilitate both of these processes.     Using brain scans in real time, they observed that a monkey's brain responds similarly whether it is performing an action or watching someone else perform that action.    They also learned that the perceived intention of an action determines the nature of the observer's response.  They same appears to be true for humans.

Mirror neurons are located in associative areas of the frontal cortex where many networks converge and process information. They prompt deep imitation of the actions and responses of those around us.   

They help us understand empathy, group cohesion, emotional contagion, and why couples seem to look and act more alike over time. 

Our inclination to copy others - initially called modeling by psychologists - stems from a mechanism that automatically replicates in our brains whatever we see around us.    This process happens most with people we love or admire.

This chameleon-like quality is evident en masse in cultural trends like fashion, language, dancing, and even presentations of mental illness (e.g. anorexia or hysteria).   

Sometime I catch myself using speech inflections borrowed 30 years ago from my college roommate.   It makes me laugh and feel kind of funny at the same time.   It's strange to notice how I have unintentionally adopted behaviors from those I loved so long ago.  It makes me feel uncomfortably vulnerable to my surroundings and other people, which of course I am. 

Understanding the pervasive influence of mirror neurons in your life helps you understand why you feel as you do.  It offers a neural basis for the well-known phenomenon that we feel what others experience as if it were happening to us.