Emotional Detective

Looking Inward: Mental Habits

The third in a series on Habits.

When considering our habits, we usually think of overt behaviors like exercise, eating well, or keeping clean. Yet there are tons of covert habits going on inside our minds and bodies that are worthy of our attention. To better understand what goes on beneath the surface, Emotional Detectives turn their magnifying glasses inward to examine their habits of thought and feeling.  

 

 

The "Mental Perch"

Like emotions, your thoughts mostly happen without your awareness or control. However, you can observe your thought processes to discern patterns. The trick is to separate yourself from your thoughts so you can dispassionately examine them. Approach your thoughts with the attitude of a detective who wants to collect evidence and discover the truth. Sometimes I imagine I am on a mental perch -  resting on a solid vantage point from which I can observe my inner domain.

 

 

While on your ‘mental perch,’ observe your thoughts and characteristic approaches to the world. Notice mental habits that tend to be: 

•  Hierarchical (who or what is the best?) or Cooperative (how can we fit together?)
•  Judgmental (is this good or bad?) or Open-minded (hmmm, what’s going on?)
•  Optimistic (glass half full) or Pessimistic (glass half empty)
•  Creative (something new) or Narrow-minded (something old)
•  Confident (what can I do?) or Out of control (feeling powerless)

Because every cue prompts its own routine, your habits will vary by context. Maybe you are optimistic about your love life, but pessimistic about your work life. Or maybe you find yourself thinking cooperatively at home, but competitively out in the world.  

 

Consequences of Negative Mental Habits

Routine patterns of negative thought can influence behavior in insidious ways. Negative mental habits contribute to anxiety, excessive guilt, pessimism, procrastination, low self-esteem and depression. If you are pessimistic about your success chances at work, you are less likely to make the sacrifices necessary to really stand out. Should you believe that nobody could really like you anyway, you may develop social habits that effectively shut people out. 

 

 

Habits of mind can easily become self-fulfilling prophecies – if you let them. Recognizing your own tendencies is a huge step toward correcting mental habits that may be interfering with your happiness and success.

 

Which mental habits should you be on the lookout for?

 

Unhealthy mental habits can foster anxiety, guilt, pessimism, procrastination, low self-esteem and depression. David D. Burns, MD wrote a classic a self-help book on Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (an evidence-based treatment for depression and anxiety).  In Feeling Good, Burns describes proven techniques that can change negative mental habits (cognitive restructuring). Burns’ highlighted ten common mental habits that trigger negative emotions (cognitive distortions):

 

10 Twisted Mental Habits 

1) Over Simplifying and Black and White Thinking (all or nothing, splitting)

2) Over Generalization (indiscriminate, projecting too much into future, hysteria)

3) Over Filtering (limits  the focus of your awareness, attention and perspective)

4) Disqualifying the Positive (Reason fears disappointment and makes faulty attributions)

5) Jumping to Conclusions (Reason pushes for premature foreclosure to avoid uncertainty)

6) Magnification (Catastrophizing) and Minimization (Denial)

7) Emotional Reasoning (Primitive and Social impulses guiding thought rather than reason)

8) "Should" Statements (Social over-moralizes and re-triggers shame)

9) Labeling and Mislabeling (Social starts character assassination)

10) Personalization (Primitive thinks everything is about you) 

                                                             *adapted from Psych Central's summary of Burns' Feeling Good

 

Although changing cognitive distortions can be hard, your efforts will pay off. In college, I routinely reflected on my feelings with my housemates, as they would reflect on theirs. Over the years, discussing my feelings with close friends has become second nature. These days I am quite familiar with many of my cognitive distortions. My previous detective work has informed me about my twisted mental habits, and I can recognize them by the familiar feelings that they prompt - my special brand of pain.  These days I can spot my distortions when they recur  and "correct" for them  - so they don't hurt as much or lead me astray. With practice, you can learn to do the same. 

 

 

Keystone Habits are Energy Efficient

The second in a series on Habits.

Regular habits fuel our appearance, relationships, work ethic, health and countless other aspects of our lives. As William James eloquently observed, habits are a “system of reflex paths, so organized as to wake each other up successively.” These mighty motivators can propel us down a road to success or to ruin.  

 

 

What is a Keystone Habit?

A keystone habit creates a structure that helps other habits flourish. It can stimulate a chain reaction of related routines that will magnify the impact that your habits have on your life. For example, keeping a food journal is an example of a keystone habit. A food journal tracks your eating and increases your awareness of bad food habits, prompting healthier eating. Constructive keystone habits, no matter how mundane, provide you extra power to shape your own destiny.

 

 

Common positive keystone habits include:

• Regularly using your willpower
  
• Sleeping 7-8 hours a night
• Exercising 20-30 minutes a day
• Meditating
• Eating healthfully and mindfully
• Staying organized and keeping belongings neat 
• Standing straight, shoulders down 
• Writing down your dreams upon awakening
• Socializing regularly 
• Pursuing knowledge and education

 

A recent Vanity Fair profile on President Obama illustrates how good habits have been pivotal to creating his remarkable success. In this compelling portrait, Michael Lewis showcases Obama’s  good habits, hard work, and strategic planning - all of which date back to his youth.

 

 

Don’t have presidential habits nailed down yet?   No worries.  Despite fears that you may be too old, it's never too late to start learning some new tricks.   

 

 

With  determination and persistence, you can acquire new keystone habits that can ultimately reduce your energy needs and help you coast effortlessly to where you want to go.

 

How to harness the power of keystone habits to maximize their benefit?

 

Taking a keen interest in your habits is central to aligning your inner life. Notice what goes on below the radar - which useful habits are absent from your daily routines? 

 

Choosing Positive Habits

When deciding what positive keystone habits to integrate in your life, think about which one of your inner aspects (primitive, social, or reasonable) is most undeveloped. Select a habit that will help promote growth for this undeveloped aspect of your personality. For example: 

• Help your primitive aspect by improving your posture, tooth care or artistic ability
• Help your social aspect with community service, joining a group, or improving your manners
• Help your reasonable aspect by reading more, playing Sudoku, following the news, taking a class

So, for example, determine a cue (awareness of slouching), a routine (straightening your spine) and a reward (hope and pride about looking and feeling better).

 

Let your Three Aspects Work Together 

It is easiest to develop a new habit when all of your aspects pitch in.  Check to see if your:

• Primitive is able to do the work
• Social has people to mirror and offer support
• Reason has faith in your ability to change

Ways your three aspects can support your effort:

• Make sure you are well rested and fed when you need to initiate your new routine.

• Join a group or build a culture with the habits you wish to acquire (gym, book club, church, self-help).  Mirror neurons will hasten the time needed for a new habit to seem your own. Your wish to fit in (group membership) will provide added incentive for your new habits. In these ways, your social aspect will do some of the work for you, lightening the demands on your mental reserves.

• When building a new habit it is enormously important to believe in yourself. Research has shown that faith in your ability to change is the critical ingredient for maintaining newly established routines.

 

Taking steps to develop positive keystone habits will initially drain your mental energy, but is so worth the investment! Over time, these efforts will operate automatically and on cue, without depleting your mental energy.  

Habits are Mightier than You Think

The first in a series on Habits

“But the fact is that our virtues are habits as much as our vices. All our life, so far as it has definite form, is but a mass of habits,—practical, emotional, and intellectual, — systematically organized for our weal or woe, and bearing us irresistibly toward our destiny, whatever the latter may be.....” - William James

                                                                        

We navigate nearly half our days on autopilot, mindlessly executing well-entrenched habits like eating, sleeping, relaxing and emotionally reacting. It's mind-blowing how much these “under the radar” actions shape our lives. Without being guided by our regular routines, we would look, feel and act very differently. 

 

 

Understanding how habits work is BIG news for Emotional Detectives. Although habits commonly operate outside of our awareness, they don't need to. With a little effort, you can easily understand your habits from the bottom up.    

In his book The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg states that a habit is born when a sequence of actions gets stored as a chunk in the brain (in the basil ganglia). Each habit can be broken down into three stages:

1. Cue (sensory, mental, or physical trigger: like time, place, people, tone, circumstances) 
2. Routine (mindless sequence of mental, emotional and/or physical actions)
3. Reward (physical, emotional, or mental satisfactions like orgasm, joy, or insight)

 

 Examples:

A.  The red light on a smart phone (cue) prompts you to check your email (routine) which makes you feel connected and on top of things (reward).

B. You pass by your favorite bakery (cue). This prompts you to buy a cookie (routine), which gives you a sensual delight and brief energy boost (reward). 

Establishing good habits that accomplish meaningful goals really does give you an advantage in life.

 

 

Emotional Detectives already investigate below radar, so it is not a large stretch to start studying your habits.   When you discover things you want to change, set aside time to plan how to develop new habits. Make sure you allocate sufficient mental energy to that your routines work for you, not against you. 

How to develop or change habits realistically, to maximize happiness and wellness?

 

Looking Under the Radar

Study your existing habits carefully. Take note of good habits. Consider if you would like to expand upon your existing routines (making new recipes or describing your dreams to someone else).    

Make a list of what you'd like to add to your life and then consider what you would like to tackle first.  

• · What are cues for your good habits?
• · Which of your routines do you think are especially useful?
• · How what are the rewards?
• · How did your best habits develop?
• · Which new habits you would like to establish or add on?

When thinking about establishing a new habit, select a routine, and then establish a cue and reward.  For example, on Sundays (cue) I call home (routine) feeling pleased with myself (reward) before having a nice dinner (another reward). 

Play around with different rewards to see what outcome ensures the maintenance of the new routine (for example, is your self-satisfaction for calling home enough reward, or is a nice dinner needed as well?) 

To learn more about establishing new habits read David Brooks review of Charles Duhigg's book The Power of Habit.